Friday, December 02, 2005

So hard to update my blog; so much to say and so little time...

I've been managing some work with IBM recently. It's been really interesting to see how the big boys work, having previously contemplated an offer from Accenture. There are undoubtedly some very bright and talented people in these organisations, so it makes you wonder how the rest get in. It's not as if the turnover is that high either; had an appalling presentation the other day from an IBM team to one of our clients but they'd all been with the company at least three years.
Not the worst I've seen though. When the people presenting have an argument in front of the client, you know not all is well..
But I digress as is my wont when I've been doing too much of the same old thing. This morning I had a waking dream where it was time for work, but I couldn't remember what preparation I needed to do. I was pretty sure I didn't need to do any financial consultancy so did I need to have a lecture prepared on Racine?
It was only when I awoke fully and figured out I needed to get to Clerkenwell that I remembered my job was about web stuff that dreams are made on. Reminds me of a dream where I had to resit my A-levels but couldn't remember the double cosine rule; frighteningly real.
The best thing about this season is how you get to see dawn each morning with having to wake from your dreams at some unprepossessing — does anyone know what that means? — hour. Rosy-fingered, as Ovid tells us, she shows us as many colours as my next-door neighbours horticultural specimens. So arise and enjoy! Don't submit to the media's Brrr-itain hegemony!

Monday, November 21, 2005

A site for sore eyes

The great thing about the internet is that you can find like-minded people speaking truths about things that are close to your heart. Having become a fully paid up member of suburbia, this site really struck a chord.
I've been an advocate of slow and painful death for the sciurus griseus ever since they got under the eaves in my childhood home and chewed through the electric cable. My new-found gardening habits have done little to dent my prejudices against the scurvy squirrel breed. Beatrix Potter has a lot to answer for with her ideas of cute Nutkins, let me tell you. And before you tell me it was a red one, I hold no colour bar here.
Nevertheless Death to Grey Squirrels is full of practical tips for squirrel disposal for you to better enjoy your weekends.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Evidence of WMD in Iraq

Claiming that there's finally evidence of WMD in Iraq would be somewhat facetious given that Saddam gassed hundreds of Kurds. But it is striking that a state which justified war on the basis that the enemy had used chemical weapons then deployed chemical weapons against that enemy. The UK Minister for the Armed Forces, Adam Ingram, has admitted that an MK77 firebomb, similar to Napalm, was used. continues >>
letter from armed forces Minister Adam Ingram
In addition, an Italian documentary has found that white phosporus was used during the assault on Fallujah in 2003. Western journalists were barred from covering the assault on the city.
If you feel moved to watch some clips, you can do so here, though I'm not necessarily recommending it.

Monday, November 07, 2005

From the horse's mouth

What you read about on football web sites can usually be taken with a grain of salt. But this story really made me laugh and could well be true. Patrick Vieira has released his autobiography and is somewhat critical of Ruud van Nistelrooy. Given old horse-face's reported wish to sue, I'm not going to describe what Paddy said of him here, or say that it's all so true. Just read it for yourself.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

How to replace your PDA

I have for some time been considering a replacement for my three-year-old and now less than reliable PDA. This would, you may assume, be a relatively straigtforward task for someone who advises companies on technology selection. But the lure of market-leading products just around the corner is great, particularly when it comes to always on, available from anywhere internet access.
I had previously allowed myself to be seduced by the iMate Jasjar's monster feature set: wi-fi and 3G bundled with a QWERTY keyboard and VGA screen; no other phone can compete. But it weighs deeply on the pocket both physically and figuratively. May as well buy a laptop.
I was going to comment at some length about the benefits of Wi-Fi vs. 3G vs. GPRS, until I saw this: the ultimate in PIM for today's disposable culture (Flash required).

Thursday, October 27, 2005

I left my voice...

in Old Trafford. And what a sham.
Whether Flitney was out of his area was difficult to tell from where I was and just as difficult for the referee. It was the assistant who gave the decision. Unfortunately the referee who hadn't been able to see the offence committed deemed himself able to tell whether it merited a red card.
It was the wrong decision technically and morally. There are those who will trot out the rebarbative mantra about consistency, but no one was denied a goal-scoring opporunity, even though Flitney was clearly the last man. That makes it a deliberate handball and a yellow card offence. Instead the referee crushed the atmosphere for all the fans and ruined the biggest football game of two players' careers: the goalkeeper Flitney and Louie Soares, who was substituted by the new keeper Scott Tynan without touching the ball.
There may well be some positives to draw. If we'd had eleven men and got stuffed it would have been really embarrassing. At least we scored. The club should now be out of debt. But we spent over £50 each and took the day off work, spending nine hours on a coach for the referee to screw things up; and people taking their family up during half term spent more.
Football is a sport and the professional game should also be about entertainment. Despite what the phone-ins say it's not about conjecture and debate. If I wanted that I'd have stayed at home and watched Question Time.
By the way, if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can find out here.
addendum
I have since discovered that losing my voice was due to catching a cold. Flitney has meanwhile had his red card rescinded, which only serves to prove the referee's onanist tendencies.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

All I want for Christmas

So he'd send his doting mother up the stairs with the stepladders
To get the Soccer Robot out of the loft
He had all the accessories required for that big match atmosphere
The crowd and the dugout and the floodlights too
You'd always get palmed off with a headless centre forward
And a goalkeeper with no arms and a face like his

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Web 2.0, apparently

The analyst firm Gartner has been harping on about "global-class computing" for some time now, telling us how Google and eBay aren't really web sites but platforms and if we want to move to the next generation of the web, business will need to follow a similar model and think outside the enterprise box.
While it suits Gartner and those of us working in web development to think that the next generation of technology is here and that there is a clear threshold we need merely step across in order to attain super-webdom, Gartner's approach has all the symptoms of a futurologist's thinking. Specifically, it is based on technological possibilities rather than real requirements and is devoid of political insight.
While it's true that businesses should not need to host every application under the sun in order to provide a bit of brochure-ware with no idea of return on investment, there needs to be a compelling reason for people to make use of the always on, available from everywhere super fast web. And what's more — get this — it's actually got to work, securely, for people who don't need to be trained but who can make informed choices about their browsing preferences.
Content and interfaces need to be better. When I start up my application even at OS level, if I'm shopping I want the system to find me the cheapest product availabe. If I'm looking for an authoritative answer I don't want to be taken to Wikipedia. And above all I don't want to open up an application and have a couple of hundred offers for penis-stimulating pharmaceuticals.
The thing that gets me most about these predictions however is that they always forget the most important part of the internet: infrastructure. Anyone reading these reports would think that making a request to a web site or mail server and getting a response was some kind of auto-magical process, unworthy of comment.
Without infrastructure the web is nothing and beyond the shores of the developed world that's pretty much what you have. The entire African continent has barely as many internet connections as Manhattan island. Meanwhile there is dispute over who controls the internet's addressing system which, by a quirk of fate, currently resides with the U.S. government. Most states would prefer to see this control ceded to the United Nations, but not George Bush. He sees a danger in allowing countries which may prevent freedom of speech in controlling internet domains, but actually the fear should be that the U.S. will in future be able to simply cut an entire nation out of the internet: email, web access to uncensored content, everything. I guess it's better than dropping bombs on 'em. Meanwhile, what of the people working behind the screens? Will the global-class players act as such? Will Amazon allow trades union representation and remove the glass ceiling that prevents you from reaching management unless you're male and white? Will eBay recognise a duty to the consumer rather than training all its support staff to deny any errors and lay all the blame with whoever has just lost their money when their credit card details are stolen?
Web 2.0 will need to address such issues if it's not going to become yet another method for making capital, irrespective of social responsibility.

Friday, October 21, 2005

The new menace to society

There is a new menace on the streets, terrorising us in these autumnal days: social menace
The umbrella is a scourge, wielded by the incosiderate to strike at eye level. It can be used to buffet passers by and turn a tide of commuters into a maelstrom of madness. Why can't everyone just wear hoodies?
The office may be safe harbour, but it's as quiet as Highbury again this morning.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The Heat is On

2005 will bethe second or third warmest year on record globally according to the Meteorological Office; the exact place in the charts depending on how Siberia reacts between now and the end of the year.
1998 was the warmest year ever with the four next hottest years being in order 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2001. This is since records began in 1861 and includes both air and water temperature.
I'm not saying this to jump on some politically correct bandwagon, but in a world where the value of the Kyoto protocol is called into question and all the biggest consumers are struggling to cope with an energy deficit, it's often worth considering hard fact.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Wise Counsel

It's easy to harp and criticize, which is why I do it so often. Take an article from this weekend's Observer for example. The strapline began: "Debates about platonic relationships started with When Harry Met Sally ...". So not with Plato then.
On occasion, however, I prefer to relate something practical, so if you live in the U.K. this one's for you. (If you don't live in the U.K. come back soon and I'll have thought of something else.)
Death and taxes may be certainties, but there are always opportunities to reduce the burden of the latter. Fiscal forbearance should always apply and with Council Tax you can check whether you're over-paying very simply via the online valuation list. Simply enter your details and find out if your property is in the same band as your neighbours. If it's not, you can apply straight away to have it reassessed, albeit under a number of set criteria.
I've just done this and had our house dropped a band, saving us probably a hundred-odd quid a year... not sure how much exactly because Barnet council don't publish their rates. Would have been good to say "Here's what you would have paid..." Anyway, it's worth trying for two minutes of your time.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The opposite of fast food?

Just popping out for a Chinese...
I will update this soon with some relevant content when I have time!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Words of the week

Something for the weekend:
Go to google.co.uk.
Enter liar and hit I'm feeling lucky.
Enter failure and hit I'm feeling lucky.

And here's my quote of the week:
"There is no justification for Iran or any other country interfering in Iraq."
Tony Blair, 6/10/05

Friday, October 07, 2005

Guy Fawkes saved!

The government has decided that glorifying terrorism won't become a criminal act after all, which is fortunate given that Bonfire Night is less than a month a way. Wouldn't have fancied ninety days incarcerated without charge for celebrating Guy Fawkes; many people would have had traces of explosive material on their hands.
The home secretary has nevertheless given police the power to close places of worship being used by extremists; Opus Dei and the Alpha Group had better watch out. I wonder if this applies to fanaticism at football matches too?

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Rules of the game

I wonder if I'll ever understand commuters' mentality. The insular disposition that people adopt on a tube train is reflected in their complete disregard for what anyone else is doing. I am — admittedly — a demanding person. But why do people fart-arse around so much when they catch the tube? Are they being deliberately obstroperous or does their idiotic selfishness come naturally?
Example: today at King's Cross only one ticket barrier was open on a particular exit; consequence, twenty-odd people in the queue. When it comes to my turn to go through someone barges me out of the way, only to find that he doesn't know how to insert his ticket properly and holds the entire queue up. Was he a wanker or just a plain knob?
Escalators carry a sign saying "stand on the right". It does not add "and take up as much room as possible making sure to elbow or handbag whoever passes you". Nor does it say "stand on the right and dawdle on the left". If you're trotting along really slowly, why force others to go around you? Do you drive at 50 mph in the middle lane on a motorway? Probably. And when you get to the end of the escalator, do you then decide to stand around blocking off anyone else trying to get off it?
On reaching the platform everyone seems to think that the least crowded carriage is the one that's closest to the platform entrance. No need to move along. Unless of course you see a particularly fascinating poster advertising online gambling, which causes you to hover in the centre of the platform forcing anyone who's got past the platform entrance brigade to tightrope walk along the platform edge.
Then try to board the train. Standing by the door is clearly the most comfortable place to be. Don't these dickheads realise that at every stop people will have to clamber over them? Are they just stood there for the cheap thrills, a crafty brush against a frazzled fellow passenger? Or must they stand by the door so that at all costs they're onto the platform first at their stop, to amble up the centre of the corridors and turn the left-hand side of the escalator to treacle once more?
It's all I can do sometimes to hold in all the abuse I want to hurl at these miserable idiots. At least this blog entry was cathartic.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Happy Geek, Sad Geek

Today's links demonstrate what makes geeks happy and what makes them look sad.
Happy Geeks.
Sad Geeks.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Europe Minor

As we watch Austrian politicians promote a case for Turkey joining the EU as second-class citizens in much the same way as some two million Turks currently live in Germany, knowing that Turkey will refuse, the question of what Europe is for raises its head again.
The UK, currently holding EU presidency, has always been in favour of European expansion for two reasons. Firstly because it extends the common market and consequently improves the potential for economic growth and secondly, because expansion is viewed as a means of dilution; it is harder to implement closer political and legal integration when more countries are involved.
Austria conversely has a more nostalgic view of the situation than the Brits. Turkey's entry is not a hindrance to future progress in convergence of the European ideal, but an affront to history: since when did Turkey form part of Europe? It was after all, Asia Minor.
To which I respond, since when did Austria care about such historic details? Should we base today's political decisions on disputes between Greeks and Trojans that elicit a sense of Euro-Asian conflict? If they hadn't kidnapped Helen would we let the Turks into the EU? If the Austrians are so concerned about what constituted Europe historically, then how come the Baltic states and Scandinavians are involved? Were these part of any Roman Empire that defined Europe for a number of centuries? No, but Turkey was... Or are we looking to a later Christian idea of Europe, the Holy Roman Empire? Britain and Ireland weren't in that one either...
You have to question why any of the member states joined Europe. The most recent additions, Rumsfeld's New Europe, were far more keen on ties to the dollar than to the Euro. If the Turks don't join the EU, they may form an economic bloc to the north east instead of north west: Russia and its satellites await. So maybe Europe isn't that important after all, which would be naive of the Europeans given the geographical signifance of a country that borders Iraq and Russia.
The reason for not admitting Turkey to the European club is clearly based on religion. What message does that send to Muslims, or for that matter Jews who have dealt with central European prejudice for so long?
I'm not advocating expansionism for its own sake, but xenophobia can't be the basis for deciding Europe.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Faith and flag

It's always useful to know what the other side thinks; and I mean that in its loosest possible sense. The Tories are engaging in two months of bickering and soul-searching to select the person who will lose to Gordon Brown at the next general election. The full débâcle of who is dropping out before the campaign starts in earnest is recorded in detail by the Conservative Home blog together with comments on how handsome the candidates all are. There's also a whole load of links; you'd never realise that there was so much Toryism out there, but that's the subversive nature of the internet for you.
And subversiveness is just what the Tories are out to crush, albeit in a way that enshrines freedom of capital. Not sure how you can square free marketerring with an opposition to rampant liberalism. I use the term advisedly, although that advise has come from the Cornerstone Group, headed up by Dubya-lovin' Edward Leigh.
Leigh and his ilk want to see a return to traditional values, to private enterprise and to tax cuts. They want to promote Christianity but cut back state education and the NHS. They'll cut taxes for the wealthy and give further tax relief if you can afford not to use the school and health systems that the wealthy will no longer be paying for. So you're a hell of a lot better off it you're, say, a barrister and member of the Inner Temple and the son of a knight... which Mr Leigh is.
There are sixteen MPs who advocate social irresponsibility under the pretence of taking the moral high ground. If one of them's yours, make sure you vote them out next time: Brian Binley, Peter Bone, Julian Brazier, Douglas Carswell, Bill Cash, Christopher Chope, Robert Goodwill, John Hayes, Edward Leigh, Ian Liddell-Grainger, Owen Paterson, Andrew Rosindell, Lee Scott, Andrew Selous, Desmond Swayne, and Angela Watkinson. Some notably intolerant names in there.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Blogs, liberty and happiness

As Walter Wolfgang has discovered, events on 7th July will be used to justify anti-terror action against anyone who might disagree with the government line. This legislation has already been applied to... people protesting against the legislation, of course. In the States meanwhile, the Federal Election Commission has taken a lead from China, Myanmar and Saudia Arabia among others in considering ways to restrict the political content of Blogs.
It's hard to comment about the loss of freedom of speech, but allow me a moment to say that the people who came up with these ideas are a bunch of ignorant mother-fuckers.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Please release me

I'm still staggeringly busy, trying to do my own job a few months into a new role, covering for a colleague who was beaten up and supporting colleagues who took over my erstwhile duties. This workload and other events beyond it have left little time to comment with any value on subjects I would otherwise have addressed.
But here I am blogging at a desk designed for someone six inches shorter than me at the Queen Elizabeth conference centre in Westminster, attending a software quality and systems conference. This event is no where as boring as it might appear; I'm scrawling in an interval not during a keynote. I've heard a number of interesting propositions and we're promised a giant Scalectrix set later...
But I digress.
Microsoft sent someone here direct from HQ, a team leader on the Visual Studio release whose presentation was well received by most, though by no means all. Should Hackneyed be rephrased Redmond?
This particular team leader revealed that Microsoft has one defect for every ten lines of code, but that 5% of known bugs remain before release. Given that just the test suite of Visual Studio will require a bare minimum of 10,000 lines of code, this means it will be sold with at least fifty bugs; imagine then how many there will be in Longhorn, the successor to Windows XP, or how many were released in the Microsoft Office suite.
The speaker's justification for this state of affairs was the pressure of time to market and that if you have millions of users they will always find a bug. This, I felt, was a complete cop out. I appreciate that they're a lot less complex, but I develop web sites. These too have millions of users, are developed in a scale of months rather than years, but no one charges hundreds of pounds to use them to get a message asking you if you want to report a problem. They just don't return to the site.
Microsoft runs a roughly equivalent number of testers to developers on each project – if only we could charge services at those rates – but there appears to be an assumption that everyone will want to contribute to the company's success. People beat down Redmond's door to work for or partner with one of the world's largest companies, but that doesn't mean they want to pay for a tool that does only part of what it should and will break down once people hack its flaws.
The customer defines quality. If this generic customer ever evolves its expectations then, as with Firefox, Microsoft will inevitably lose its market share, particularly to other products that have similar defects but are free and constantly updated. Why pay to inherit someone else's problem and test it for them? There's hope for open source yet.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

More on professional services...

I've been somewhat remiss in my blog, not through lack of things to say but through lack of time. Consequently I will let someone else's image speak for me:
Cartoon: how to design and build a swing.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

The art of consultancy

Confidence — I believe it's Epicurus who tells us — is the mean between rashness and cowardice. Consequently it is a prerequisite for those of us who work in the service industries, particularly consultancy.
You should be rash enough to think that even in your short visit to an organisation you can identify endemic issues in the way they work that no one there will have spotted, while wary of stating the bleedin' obvious. You should don your mettle and cast yourself headlong into office politics, careful of treadng on toes. You should be brazen about your subject knowledge, but timorous that any conception you have of best practice could be an appropriate solution.
Above all, be afraid that your client might discover you're a bullshitter and be brave when they do.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

One out, all out

Apparently I wasn't at work on Monday. The nation's press has confirmed that the entire population was attached to a pub television set through some kind of metaphorical viscous process that kept us away from our desks to send house prices tumbling and fuel prices rocketing; or possibly the other way around.
The England team will soon be rewarded for their contribution to national counterproductivity. In addition to knighthoods and canonization they will be numismaticised: commemorated in currency for their sterling efforts. Michael Vaughan will appear on £50 notes, Andrew Flintoff on £20, Kevin Pietersen on tenners and so forth. Unfortunately there are only ten levels of demonination but Ian Bell has been promised that he'll be selected once we have the Euro.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Not drowning, but waving

I have been submerged recently in a torrid, sweltering overflow of work. I knew that my defensive lines had the potential to be breached, given that I had founded my job description not on rock but on marshland. Yet despite the perilous forecasts I fail to anticipate the predicatment that this sudden maelstrom of activity could plunge me into.
So I ended up stranded in Bloomsbury with no means to escape. I should have left before, when I had the chance. But now I watch the tide of work wash up all around me as I wait for someone to draw off all my other duties amid the chaos.
I must admit, however, that I don't want to be rescued from this. Amid the chaos that exists here, it has nevertheless become my home. I don't want to be pulled out at this stage to be dumped in I don't know what sort of environment just because someone else assumes the atmosphere here may be contagious. I stuck out the initial turmoil and I'm determined to see through the rest, despite the rankness and boredom punctuated by militant youths trying to take me for everything I've got.
Those of us working in this area have become used to the occasional storm of activity. They're pretty much seasonal we should be able to cover for them. This one was quite a bit bigger than I could have imagined, but I'm here in my ramshackle dwelling and I'm sure the work will drain away before too long.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I have issues with...

  • work
  • patience
  • excess
  • discipline
  • walls

Any surprises there? similarminds.com can tell you what you have issues with.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The world is flat

There have been plenty of people banging on about Google Earth already. But if you haven't had a chance to see it or you don't want to install yet another beta product from Google on your machine, you can view it in your browser via Flash at this excellent site.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Another day, another $

Three days ago gloom, today everything's coming up roses. So goes the world of professional services. (If we're one of the world's newest professions, why do we sound like we're the oldest?) The company has won a big pitch that should keep our stock high for the next six months. I know I've been slagging off the sales team, so is now the time to recant?
No.
Not one member of our sales team was involved in the pitch. Tossers.
Of course this only goes to mask some deeper problems: some people in operations have no work for the next two months and all our historic data is inconsistent and unreliable. I think this may be deliberate, as certain people in the company look more efficient as a consequence. That's going to change if I stay.
But today is my birthday. The Sugar Cubes are smoking cigars. And it's time for another — more successful — exit strategy.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Getting from A to B

Business education, in an attempt to convince itself that it is a serious discipline rather than vocational training, has long incorporated aspects of psychology into its courses. At its most basic, this involves proto-Jungian psychometric profiling between types A and B. Type A people are characterised by their competitive need to achieve, a sense of urgency and a general hostility to others and to the world. Conversely, type B personalities are more relaxed, probably seeking a more spiritual path through life.
In my view, type A's aggressive attitude may be ascribed to an underlying dissatisfaction. This type, by its competitive nature, expects external recognition for what it achieves. Type B personalities may be more secure and self-satisfied. The irony is that despite type A's disdain for world, this personality requires an approbation that it should know it will not value, leading to frustration and seeking out more challenges in a spiral of dissatisfaction that tends to terminate in a coronary.
While this typology is highly simplistic, it is easy for me to identify myself with those in type A. Although my aggression is usually confined to sport, commuters and this blog, I always try to do more than one activity at a time (hence my PDA dependency). This is not a healthy position to be in. Can a type A ever be satisfied or even accept satisfaction as a good thing?
It is possible to get from A to B. A striking example is Heinrich Harrer, author of Seven Years in Tibet, a book that I read much of from my mountains-obsessed father's shelves when I was nine or ten years old, though it held no meaning for me then. Harrer was an archetypal type A, a hugely competitive and successful sportsman living the Aryan dream in 1930s Austria. In 1939 he headed to India in an attempt to climb a mountain that had defied numerous expeditions; he failed. War broke out, he was imprisoned by the British, but escaped to Tibet where he was eventually allowed to live. While there he met with the young Dalai Lama, through whose friendship he achieved a sense of calm and compassion he had previously struggled to understand. He returned to Austria after the war, just as the Chinese took over Tibet.
It was a Saul of Tarsus-like conversion, one to bewilder a type A atheist. How does one move from A to B? Do you need to find a god three miles high? Do you need to abandon the twice-daily rush hour for a hippy kibbutz? Or tell a type A world to forget about deliverables and milestones and just relax?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The world is a book

I've half a dozen books on the go and, not atypically, I'm making little progress with any of them. They all suggest some kind of world view which I attempt to summarise here without pretension, in case you should want to follow up and in case I forget what I'm reading.


  • Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore: the world is full of clandestine mysticism and illogical aggression.

  • Franz Kafka, The Penal Colony: the world is lonely and unpleasant, though a few have sufficient fortune to ensure that they evade suffering.

  • Albert Einstein, Relativity: the special and general theory: it is difficult to make a true measure of the world from our vantage point without it being based on axiom.

  • Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics: while we cannot know what is good about the world, all our actions may aim at something good.

  • Sartre, Existentialism is a Humanism: what the world is not but may be is far more important than what it is now.

  • Gavin Menzies, 1421: most of the world was discovered by the Chinese before the Europeans, but the evidence for this was subsequently destroyed.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Business case

Attendant to the dazzling managerial incompetencies of Gate Gourmet in recent days, it struck me how fortunate I should think myself to be employed by a company that does not deliberately induce industrial action so that it can sack its staff over a loudhailer in order to replace them with still cheaper casual labour. I now realise that my employer's apparently generous attitude should be ascribed to FUBAR forecasting rather than to any sense of moral obligation. Management has been incapable of gazing a couple of months into the future to see what our crystal ball holds in terms of sales and revenue; an absolute fundamental of any business.
My promotion — without salary rise — has proved serendipitous, however. Just as the executive in the Netherlands were starting to get twitchy again, I have provided the information that reveals all, gleaned with no little cajoling, supplication and bloody mindedness from relevant sources. And that information is not great. Simple mathematics across the operations group will now demonstrate that we are carrying five people more than we should be.
What will happen now? Management will decide how long they can hold out for without releasing anyone (I hope) and then dismiss those who are doing the least work (again) rather than firing the idiots in sales who are too lazy and too stupid to sell the work we have skills in. If any of them actually took the time to understand how we work, the business would run far more smoothly. Instead, we'll whittle the operations group away until it reaches the relevant profit margin without touching sales, for as we all know, the purpose of business is to make money.
Well no, it isn't actually. In business, just as in individuals' daily lives, money is not an end in itself but a means to other things. If a business is successful it will recruit new staff, invest in emerging revenue streams, improve conditions to retain its better staff, diversify... all of which cost money. Indeed a company that has made a great deal of money and has more assets than it can make use of is ripe for take-over. It is easy to tell us that shareholders are interested only in the bottom line, but the bottom line for shareholders is selling at the right moment to get a return on their investment.
The purpose of business is to do well. That means providing a service that customers require to a high standard, while encouraging staff to do well and rewarding those who have invested their faith and money in the enterprise. Are we heading towards this principle? Or are we a bunch of self-interested under-motivated whingers?

Monday, August 22, 2005

'scuse me while I kiss...

I have finally bitten the satellite bullet and handed thirty pieces of silver to Sky (prop. R. Murdoch), ironically in what augurs to be Arsenal's worst season in nearly twenty years. Leaving my misery guts to one side however (possibly via a pancreatic duodenectomy), there is a modicum of financial logic to it. The sports package costs £33 per month, with the first six months at half price; that's £297 for the year. We don't have a properly fitted standard TV aerial, so that would cost around £130 plus installation. So effectively we're paying twice the price for at least ten times the channels, some of which I actually want to watch; that's only £3 a week extra.
Before you think that this is an advert for Sky, however, remember that my money will be lining not only Murdoch's pockets but those of Roman Abramovich, Lee Bowyer, Phil and Garry Neville... Moreover, from Spring next year, Sky will be broadcasting in high definition , so we need to buy a HDTV. That means it's got to carry digital inputs and be big (at least 27"), flat and expensive. Our current 14" portable certainly does not fit the bill. Time to break out those ISAs and fully adopt the couch potato lifestyle?

Friday, August 19, 2005

I was really moved

So we have finally been released from the urban shackles of Bermondsey into the semi-detatched suburbia that is Barnet. Long commutes on the underground terminate in verdant tranquility and provide potential respite for blogging via PDA.
There had been an extended hiatus while I attempted to deal with paperwork and the practicalities of moving, coming into a house where locks are jammed, appliances incorrectly plumbed and radiators are more tempremental than temperate. Fortunately I am now equipped with the solution to all these problems: WD40 and a monkey wrench. Dodgy valve? Spray it with some WD40 and wrench it. If that doesn't work, give it a whack with the wrench until it is fully subdued. This highly practised technique is a universal panacea, applied to plumbing, heating and any other elements of the building, including telephone sockets. It has proved so successful I plan to bring it into the office to use on the sales team.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Principles of defiance

Good to see that just as the Prime Minister foresaw a couple of weeks ago, the terror attacks would not compromise our values. Unless of course you mean values about justice where new anti-terror legislation can be rushed through parliament. Or more manifestly where the police can justify shooting a man on the ground point blank in the head on the basis that he came out of a flat that was under investigation and disregarded warnings that no one else heard.
Let's not try to justify actions on the basis of being scared: if you want to live in a sane society you cannot base its rules on fear that someone might break them. Take a step back and legislate in a moment of calm and clarity or we too will have a Patriot Act. And if you really want to show this famous defiance you vaunt so much, don't change your principles in the face of terror.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Farewell Paddy

If you were expecting some fond farewells to Ted Heath, given this blog's rather pro-European stance, then forget it. More concerning to me is that I will miss Patrick Vieira's rangy styles next season and his general taking the piss out of opposition midfields. I hope I won't miss him too much in that Arsène will find a suitable replacement, and hope that I will miss him completely if Juventus come to Highbury and he inflicts the same to us. It's so confusing! At least after the European game we'll be guaranteed to be playing at home while Man U and Chelsea play away. Or not, as Arseblog demonstrates that Mourinho and Ferguson are arithmetical tits.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Delays on the underground

Police are finally beginning to release names of those who died in last Thursday's attacks. There have been lots of reasons cited for the delay in reporting who has died: a complex judicial system, the difficult conditions investigators are working in, a necessity to get the details absolutely right, the condition of the remains. All of these are, I'm sure, valid. But it is also worth remembering that Madrid suffered from many of these conditions too and had identified almost everyone within three days. So why is it taking so long here?
I would suggest that this is because for every DNA check, there's a police and security service background check to go alongside. This takes some time. Any person on each underground train and particularly on the bus could potentially have been implicated in the attack. My colleague who was on an underground train passing the one that exploded near Liverpool Street was interviewed by police after having stood in the carriage for an hour waiting to be rescued, then being led back up the tunnel. And can you imagine the police turning around to the relatives of the deceased and telling them that they just want to make sure the person who's missing isn't a terrorist?
Similarly, if we look at the delays between the bombs going off at 8:51 and rescue teams arriving on the scene around 9:20, this can be explained by police uncertainties. Emergency services could certainly have reached the scene in a third of the time. But if a bomb goes off, particularly in a confined space, who is to say that there aren't further devices targetting the rescue teams? This has certainly been a system used across the world by many organisations. Or worse still, that the bomb is a "dirty" device, including anthrax or something similar to spread longer term damage and impede access. But could the police tell the public that if they are victims of a terrorist attack they'll need to wait half an hour before anyone comes to rescue them while they check out the safety of the emergency scene? That people will die who could have been saved while all due diligence is performed?
Amid the unspeakable acts, there remain resolutions that are unspoken.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Management posturing

I've been contemplating visting some chiropractic quack recently as I'm sure my posture at work isn't what it should be: huddling over a laptop then leaning right to gaze at my burgeoning screen of resource planning can't be good for the spinal column. Then I realised that these exertions on my suppleness were not the cause of my woes, but that these are endemic to my position: Dilbert: Manager's elbow - patting self on back and covering butt at the same time

Friday, July 08, 2005

The day after

It's beginning to sink in now. Although London is looking largely back to normal -- helped in no small measure by the fact that we're all used to the transport system being up the spout -- there is an underlying sense of pain: for those whose loved ones have not yet been found, who have woken up in hospital minus limbs, who have been eye witnesses to the trauma.
I work right in thick of it, midway between the bus explosion, Kings Cross and Liverpool Street. As I came into work yesterday there were already problems on the underground caused by the first explosion, though I didn't know what it was yet. As I came up Blackfriars Road, I was overtaken by dozens of police vans going up to Kings Cross. Then news of more bombs at Edgware Road and in Bloomsbury and the continual wail of sirens. I didn't go out; I wanted to avoid getting in the way of the emergency services.
Then we get all that bollocks about our values not being compromised by terrorism. Which values are those then? Economic liberalism, failing to reach agreement on climate change, ducking the issues on Africa... The carnage here is sickening, but is made no better by pontification about how we'll beat terror. There have been no demands to cave in to. There have been no values attacked. It is mindless brutality with any possible reasoning masked by anonymity. It doesn't take a hero to make a stand against that.
Focus instead on those who have been traumatised by crawling over bodies in the dark, by not being able to save everyone, by seeing carnage in front of them. And remember that they're not just here, but in Sarajevo, Fallujah, Bulawayo. The perpetrators of all these outrages need to be brought to justice and in the meantime, we need to care for those who have suffered, not pretend that we're making a stand when we're just carrying on what we'd be doing anyway.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Calgon effect

Washing machines, we have been told, live longer with Calgon: it prevents limescale accumulating on filaments that heat water. Of course it's practically impossible to tell the impact that Calgon is having as the filament is hidden from view and you have no idea what would have happened if you'd never used the product. And so it is with cancer.
Cancer patients live longer with vitamin supplements. I've been taking A, C, E and selenium since I was able to eat again and I'm significantly ahead of the pancreatic tumour mortality index. Whether these antioxidant supplements have anything to do with this is anyone's guess, but I'm not prepared to take the risk of stopping. And when there is spread, interferon will be the new Calgon. It's frustrating knowing that there's limescale building in the machine, but short of pouring a vinegar of chemotherapy into the drum there's little else you can do.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Down and out in Paris and London

This blog been silent for a while now — a fortnight, I'm amazed you're still reading — partly because I've taken on more responsibilities following the latest corporate shrinkage and partly because I've been gawping boggle-eyed at the latest rounds of churlishness, hypocrisy, cynicism and no little irony surrounding the G8 summit, the EU and the Olympic bid; my perspective further astigmatied by the intersteces of my origins. (Now I really am amazed you're still reading.)
These bickering premiers — where do I begin — suddenly represent nothing that they ever cared about to preserve their legacy. Blair has done nothing to develop sport in the UK; if he wants to restore the East End so badly why not put all the costs for bidding and staging the Olympics into the area regardless and help address London's decrepit transport systems? Chirac, while never a sports fan, at least recognises its importance but for him to criticise the British bid for offering illegal incentives is a case of Parisian pot slagging London kettle. Indeed more seriously, the French are the main force behind the G8 ratifying Kyoto; yet while they will have fewer problems than most meeting targets given how little fossil fuel they are capable of producing, the country derives more than three quarters of its power from nuclear energy and is embarking on a project to build a fusion reactor on a geographical fault line.
On trade meanwhile, Blair accuses Chirac of ripping off Africa by maintaining subsidies for European farmers. This is at best an attempt to tackle an idiosyncracy, at worst a spiteful piece of political egotism. Two years ago when the Common Agricultural Policy was reviewed by the European Union, the British government maintained the status quo. To the extent that it even vetoed a motion to cap subsidies at a quarter of a million pounds. Last month Blair tried to appear a good European by redressing a rebate from the EU to the UK, but could only do so by appearing a tough guy at home and forcing the CAP to be cut. He failed, so now the subsidies for small farmers are nefarious to Africa and should be scrapped; even George W. seems to agree. Except — and leaving to one side the plethora of issues we've had in this country with high yield mass production farming — scrapping subsidies would have minimal beneficial impact on agricultural trade with Africa. The real issue with fair trade is the General Agreement on Trade and Tariffs (GATT) successively imposed in various forms over the past couple of decades by the world's wealthiest governments on everyone else. So, if you want to export tomatoes from a third world country to a wealthy nation, you'll get taxed somewhat. If you want to chop those tomatoes and export them you'll be taxed more. If you want to produce tomato ketchup for export you'll be taxed even more, so much that no distributor would take on your product. The rule is, the more value you can add, the more margin you might make, the more you will be taxed.
Then the media tells us there are no factories in Africa because there are no entrepreneurs. But the wealthy nations only want entrepreneurs who will sell them base produce and better margins. This is what they mean by opening up fair trade and relief of debt: economic liberalisation and exposure to systems where the raw assets of barely harnessed part of the world can swell the coffers of those who are already filthy rich. So all the removal of the CAP would do is to allow mass food producers to take over smaller holdings in Europe to sell to Tesco's to create more turkey twizzlers for our obese children; though admittedly they would feel morally beknighted as a consequence.
I find it staggering, to return to my cross-Channel theme, how one quintessential product of the labour movement can advocate such harmful capitalism while conversely the archetypal conservative economist defends protectionism to the detriment of investment and market exposure. Here we see Blair with his chicanery and charade of action for Africa when he consorts with pop stars on stage at party conference, while lurking outside the main hall is the tenebrous sponsorship of Nestlé, among the foulest perpertrators of fiscal brutality against the African continent. These men are asking themselves not what they can do for Africa, but what Africa can do for them. What legacy would it offer them if they could say they instigated a movement to make poverty history or to move away rom fossil fuels? I would begrudge them neither of these things if I saw any substance to their words. Let us see them offer aid against malaria if they can't stop children starving. Or increase duty on aeroplane fuel, one of the world's biggest pollutors.
Fundamentally, this is a battle for justice, that faculty which allows us to live as a society with mutual respect, guarantees and obligations. Until now, a continent lay folorn outside justice, stricken at its perimeter. The way inside is to accept that we live with these people. We share our earth, our air, our sun and our water with them.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Firing: another round

Friday both barrels were unloaded once more on our fucked company. The people who've been here longest have grown quite blasé and seem to take it in their stride and there is a danger that given some more time in this environment I might do the same.
Fortunately, I'm still angry. It remains the case that people have lost their jobs because the sales team is poorly managed. Those who so desperately continue to clutch to the purse strings that have unravelled from the venture capitalists with so much stake in the company, are those who persistently muster sufficient semblance of competency that they're not on their way out just this time...
The COO appears to know what he's doing, though he has some difficulty enforcing anything in particular. He's offered me an opportunity to be his right-hand man, but what he doesn't seem to have grasped is that few have faith in the company. Who can trust it, who can like working for it, when the environment is so poor? Anyone who can leave will; those who remain will be the talentless, the unimaginative too set in their ways to leave, or those who can't move for personal reasons, and these will be the most resentful.
I've been offered another job at 35% more pay in a more dynamic environment, but it would mean spending most of the week away from my wife. Isn't that enough to make anyone despise their job?

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Nouveau venu, qui cherches Rome en Rome

I spent the long weekend waiting in the Vatican. It was my wife's birthday, so we went to Rome and she wanted to see the Pope. So we hung around St. Peter's square getting elbowed by eager septagenarians waiting for Joseph Ratzinger to show at the window...
and when he appeared there were gasps from the throngs, applause as he berated politicians for promoting IVF (in Italian), cheers as he told South Americans how important they were in Spanish, and assorted flag waving has he polyglossed to Slovenes, Poles and his compatriots.Benedict XVI at his window
The papal cult, where so many congregate in a massive square to hear such a distant tiny figure surrounded by giant statues who has been invested by a conclave to which they ostensiby belong but in reality could never form part of, reminds me of Beijing and Mao. Indeed I noticed a recent sculpture of John Paul II that strongly resembled the monument to the Long March; wish I'd taken a picture. Of course if the Maoists wanted a cult to imitate they could do a lot worse than one which has survived over two thousand years. But do those who are imitated see any resemblance? Do they perceive this to be the sincerest form of flattery?

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Kind Zeitgeist

The BBC reports on a policeman in India who is only five years old. While it's quite cute to think of a policeman who needs to hide behind his mother if you get too close, the article rightly highlights child exploitation in the country, just as I expressed in my previous reservations about Indian social order.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Who will bring these people to task?

This you have to see.
While Tony is galavanting around telling everyone how he's going to save Africa from debt and despotism, it's worth drawing your attention back to events in Iraq. In July 2002 -- before they had anything resembling a resolution to go to war -- the U.S. and U.K. doubled the bombing raids on Iraq trying to provoke Saddam Hussein into giving them an excuse for war. Isn't this a war crime? Isn't it a disgrace that people who were starving were killed by our leaders, with our taxes, that our compatriots perpertrated this?
The Times reports that during 2000, RAF aircraft patrolling the southern no-fly zone over Iraq dropped 20.5 tons of bombs from a total of 155 tons dropped by the coalition, a mere 13%. During 2001 that figure rose slightly to 25 tons out of 107, or 23%. However, between May 2002 and the second week in November, when the UN Security Council passed resolution 1441, which Goldsmith said made the war legal, British aircraft dropped 46 tons of bombs a month out of a total of 126.1 tons, or 36%. By October, with the UN vote still two weeks away, RAF aircraft were dropping 64% of bombs falling on the southern no-fly zone. It was not until November 8 that the UN security council passed resolution 1441, which threatened Iraq with "serious consequences" for failing to co-operate with the weapons inspectors.
The briefing paper from a meeting in July 2002 reveals not only that the bombing would be intensified, but that Tony Blair acceded to George W. Bush's efforts to bring about regime change in April 2002, even though this explicitly contravenes United Nations treaties. You can read the briefing paper for yourself here.
Who will now bring these people to task?

Monday, June 06, 2005

Browsing before browser wars

In the early days of the web, when we used to surf the information superhighway using Lynx (before Netscape burst onto the scene and allowed us to view images inline instead of saving them locally to look at them in Paint ten minutes later), getting to interesing content wasn't that hard. After all, there wasn't very much content out there and what there was seemed fresh and new in its presentation -- those animated under construction and mailbox GIFs aside -- and exotic in its location.
Moreover, we knew what was out there. A few thousand active webmasters would maintain sites based on small subject areas that would link to content on other sites; yes, these were portals way before JSR-170 and other complications. These index sites were in turn submitted by their maintainers to Yahoo! which classified them according to their owners' preference, so that with the paucity of categories and sites listed under each (I created categories for French comedy, French 17th century theatre -- which wasn't Renaissance despite Yahoo's protestations -- and water polo history) it was a simple matter to browse through the dozen or so sites under each subject area. You could just go to Yahoo, find a category, and surf.
Those days were doomed once the lofty-peaked logo of AltaVista emerged on our browsers' collective horizon. This new search technology allowed you to find content regardless of context quickly and, while Yahoo struggled to keep pace both with its competitor and its growing queue of submissions, AltaVista's acquisitive approch enabled it to secure the bulk of search traffic and change browsing gambits. Thus it came to pass that we interacted with sites according to keyword rather than concept, paving the way for the millions of browsers that now have Google (or indeed MSN or AOL) as their homepage. However (now that I've grounded but hopefully not interred you in my perception of web history) at least one community of web users is reverting to a subject-based browsing model, effectively suggesting which sites would merit a pair of Yahoo's long since forgotten "hot" sunglasses.
Stumble Upon provides a toolbar for IE and Firefox that takes users to a random site on a subject they have expressed an interest in, based on a selection suggested by other users. I strongly recommend it: it's surfing how it used to be.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Displaying link types in Firefox

Ever been to a site and found that you're launching a link in new window without warning, or downloading a link to content that then starts another application like Acrobat or Word without you realising?
If you use Firefox, you can alert yourself to these sorts of links by editing your user stylesheet: userContent.css. This can be found within the chrome folder for your profile. Typically for Windows users this is located in: C:\Documents and Settings\[username]\Application Data\Mozilla\Firefox\Profiles\[eight-digit].default\chrome\. Note that you will need to view hidden files to browse to this directory. From your document window menu select Tools > Folder Options > View > Show hidden files and folders.
This file is unlikely to exist yet, so here's one I made earlier. Right-click on the link, choose Save link as... and save it to the relevant folder.
If you then edit this file you'll see where I've made some changes. The bulk of work, changing cursors to flag up where target links change was done by Chris Pedrick. My bit is for different content link types. You can use this as a basis for altering other sorts of links, if you know css. For example, this line finds where there's a PDF extension in a link, creates some space to the right of the link and puts a PDF icon there.
a[href$=".pdf"]
{padding-right: 17px; background: transparent url(http://www.site-moliere.com/images/icon_pdf.gif) no-repeat top right;}
a identifies the link as in a normal stylesheet, while the element in square brackets identifies the type of link. This is a really simple tool that you can manipulate and extend it yourself to suit your needs, so have a play around. Note that you'll need to shut down and restart Firefox each time you make a change.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

You dancing?

This evening will bear witness to another Flash mob event in London, mobile clubbing at Liverpool Street station. While this seems a little less outrageous than some other events of this ilk, my PDA and I are planning an evening out equipped with headphones and Peaches, ready to set it off (provided we get past the door policy).
mobile clubbing @ 19:22, Liverpool Street station

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Referendum à remporter

I vaguely recall from my small Latin that referendum is a part of speech known as a gerundive. This appears in a passive voice with an accusative (direct object) form to show obligation: that which must be done.
I believe this particular word has as its root referre, literally to carry back (hence refer in English). So a referendum is something that must be brought back; in politics for the people rather than for their delegates to decide upon. In French it would translate as qui doit être remporté, a verb which has extended meaning. Not only to win (Roger Federer devrait remporter Roland Garros -- Roger Federer should win the French Open tennis) but also to delay (les matchs de hier ont été remportés à cause de pluie -- rain delayed yesterday's matches).
It would appear that such Derridean sub-texts have been brought to the fore in Sunday's French no vote. The referendum was there to be won and the constitution delayed; opposition to the constitution has been carried back to its architects. And I as a europhile shed no tears for this ill conceived work of free-marketeering.
L'Europe sera socialiste ou elle ne sera pas, François Mitterrand told us, and even if you don't agree with this in its harsher practicalities, its central tenet is correct. What is the point of Europe if it does not serve to protect the people living there from exploitation in working practices, health and other human rights that are taken for granted in other parts of the world?
Europe exists to protect our education, our democracies, our livelihoods; to disseminate this idea across its member states and proselytise to the unconverted outside its membership.
If Europe cannot satisfy these underlying principles, what do we need it for? Financial liberalism dependent on centralised banks and markets already exists without a dedicated European bureaucratic layer. Is the constitution supposed to give us a sense of identity? The last time there was a cohesive image of Europe it was riding a bull out to sea. This vote was for terra firma. Forget how much money can be made out of this venture and remember who your true shareholders are. We want to reinvest Europe's dividends, not make a quick sale.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Chav defined?

The BBC reports that three sisters aged twelve, fourteen and sixteen have each given birth within ten months of each other. The sisters are called Natasha, Jade and Jemma. Their children are called T-Jay, Amani and Lita. They rely on state benefits to look after the children, but sold their story to the Sun and featured in a BBC3 documentary. I don't know the meaning of life, but I'm not convinced that this is it.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Suspicious Minds

It's fairly well known that later in life, Elvis developed a bit of an obsession with espionage and criminal investigation. This included some dalliances with the CIA and was pandered to by Richard Nixon.
In the early seventies the King even visited FBI headquarters, where he reported on the corrupting influences of the Beatles and Jane Fonda among others (did he forget his pre-GI days?) as this memo from the time records.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Same old Arsenal?

The Guardian among others reports that Tottenham will have the chance to compete in the UEFA cup next year because they finished so high in the fair-play league this season, despite only finishing mid-table in the real competition. Not that they won the fair-play title either: they still finished second to Arsenal who, despite their reputation, are the fairest team of all for the second year in a row (indeed, I think, for the third time in the last five seasons).
So victory for Arsenal in tomorrow's F.A. Cup final would unquestionably be a proverbial victory for football.
Notwithstanding Arsenal's sportsmanship, you must remember that financially they remain an underdog. For while Everton can rightly claim to have had a fantastic season, their gate receipts (which do count for a significant proportion of income) are on a par with Arsenal's. Newcastle -- who finished thirteenth or fourteenth -- have a higher salary bill. Middlesborough have a similar amount of transfer spending. Spurs' coffers are swelled by public listing (then emaciated through mismanagement).
Compare this with Manchester United whose sportsmanship I leave anyone who's watched them play to judge. And let us not pity them financially. Not only have they benefited from public listing and privileged deals with television companies who owned stakes in their plc stocks, but the scare stories of their independent support groups in the face of Glazer's take-over tend to omit some rather salient points:

  • the club already had significant debt through having not won the league, which reduces TV revenue in England and in Europe;
  • this was exacerbated by big tranfer payouts for a couple of bolshy teenagers;
  • which was in turn compounded by players who get banned quite a lot but who have actually won something demanding and receiving improved contracts;
  • which had meant there would be no money for transfers over the closed season unless the club sold players first (£8m Kleberson anyone?);
  • and that ticket prices would have to rise as a result;
  • this with the full approval of the club's largest shareholders, two foreigners with little knowledge of football but whose primary interest lay in other sport;
  • who were barely on speaking terms with the manager and had probably been briefing against him in the press.
While I accept that Man U's debt will almost certainly increase under Glazer, the club's fans should look at Chelsea whose debt runs into hundreds of millions of pounds but who've just had their most successful season ever.
So I say to them: sit down, shut up.
And let's hope Arsenal produce the goods tomorrow to put a bit of the sport back into football.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Uzbekitstan

Uzbekitstan is a place I've wanted to visit for some time; I'm intrigued by its sparsely populated intersteces on the Silk Road, the stitching together of East and West. Recent reports have suggested that Uzbekitstan may be off the tourist trail for some time however.
The country's despotic President Islam Karimov, elected via a system where only those parties who support him can stand, has benefited from the support of the West by claiming to suppress Islamic fundamentalism and in no small measure because oil supplies from Siberia need to cross his territory. He succeeds in masking recent assaults on his own people by controlling all media within Uzbekitstan.
Ring any bells?
This is not the only parallel to which I'd like to allude. Newsweek recently published a story claiming interrogation at Guantanemo Bay routinely involved desecration of the Koran and that they could substantiate that fact. Following riots in Afghanistan where about fifteen people were killed and under pressure from the U.S. government, Newsweek apologised but did not retract the story. Donald Rumsfeld -- of all people -- savaged the magazine saying that they should get their facts right before taking actions that would result in the deaths of innocents. I kid you not. WMD anyone?
My point is that this is exactly what would have happended in the latter days of a Soviet regime. A story the government did not approve of may have leaked, but you could be sure that pressure would be brought to bear on the relevant source and it would have been swept under the carpet. The U.S. claims to fight for freedom across the world, but is nonetheless willing to control its own media with the same rigour as the Uzbeks.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Harriet Harman and the Hooded Claw

On Thursday night's edition of the BBC's Question Time, Harriet Harman (whose role in the Cabinet now eludes me and I'm too lazy to look up) advocated banning youths in certain areas from wearing hoodies on the basis that this intimidated people. This should be coupled with Community Support Officers regularly questioning groups wearing the offending articles.
Leaving aside Harman's complete inability to think about why people feel intimidated or the root causes of youth crime, her comments illustrate just how morally corrupt this government has become. For New Labour it is acceptable for police to stop people on the basis of how they look and the introduction of ID cards will justify reasons to do so; although "feral youths" as Boris Johnson calls them won't carry ID cards, just ASBOs.
This moral corruption of civil liberties is in stark evidence in other ministers too. Leaving aside David Blunkett -- who is even more barking than his dog and no less obedient to the Blairite cause -- let us take the secretary of state for Wales and now Northern Ireland. Peter Hain was in his youth an ardent opponent of apartheid, leading protests against the South African rugby tour to the UK in the 60s. Now he votes in favour of curtailing rights of protest and the basic civil liberties that allowed him to bring the plight of the South African majority to the attention of the British public and launch his own political career.
We have seen with New Labour just how much power corrupts. Having pledged free education, a reformed electoral system, a commitment to public transport and the environment, to protect the National Health Service, here is a government that has reneged on its commitment to us in favour of support from lobbyists in the food (Nestlé, McDonald's), petrochemical (BP, Unilever), financial (Phoenix), educational (Atkins), transport (Jarvis) sectors, including a core group of other sponsors looking for favours. We have been disenfranchised by their slide into self-interest.
But if we know that power corrupts, is the only solution not letting anyone have it? Is the only way to achieve independence through anarchy?

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Speedy recoveries

Researchers at the University of Birmingham have shown how ecstasy and other amphetamines can prevent the spread of cancer, according to BBC news. If I'd known this before, speed may have become a drug of choice. Maybe my oncologist will prescribe some kind of dopamene / ecstasy hybrid, which would make the daily grind of work a touch more interesting.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Waiting...

What's it like waiting in an oncology clinic? Many of you will find out. Today was an interesting one. 3½ hours of waiting because prints from some of my scans went awol. And I knew it wouldn't be good, so there was a lingering sense of doom.
This wasn't helped by having to sit next to some fuckwit with "worry" beads -- those Greek wooden beads on a string that men play with between their fingers -- who was rattling said device very slowly and in perpetuity... His selfish success in attempting to relieve his own concerns succeeded in pissing off everyone else, but somehow made the impending appointment less intolerable. It was a relief to get away from him into the conversation about the hole my oncologist wants surgeons to drill into my jugular.
It wasn't that bad I suppose. I knew I'd have spread at some point and it appears on the face of it that this is possibly the least bad metastatic disease might be. So I now have to wait up to six weeks while they debate whether it's feasible to conduct a biopsy on some lymph nodes that are half a centimetre across and then they'll probably stick me on some inteferon therapy.
So more waiting then, but at least that twat with the beads isn't there.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Make your mark

Having found the scout hut down the back alley indicated on a map with West where North should have been, I cast my vote this morning. Even though this is one of the most racist seats in London, the BNP candidate chooses not to live here, the only candidate to stand from outside the constituency. Or perhaps he was forced out by sheer weight of immigrant chavs.
Of course I know that few people care about my vote. Only my sitting MP has bothered to canvas or leaflet me; he sent me a personalised letter. So why don't politicians care about my vote even though I should be a target, having voted differently to last time? Because our electoral system is a pile of pants and in no way conducive to constructive policy making. Or to put it in Greek, myopic and parochial politics lead to a hegemony based on apathy more than democracy based on ideology.
Let me explain it this way: in each election, the major parties can expect a minimum share of the vote (unless their campaign is particularly badly run). The Tories and new Labour can expect 30% of the vote each and the Lib Dems about 15%, with another 5% spread around various other parties, notably in the non-English countries. That leaves 20% potential swing voters.
Labour has a majority of 160, which is approximately a quarter of all seats. So the only swing voters who really count are 20% of the voters in a quarter of all seats, or 5% of the electorate. Of this five per cent, only about a third are required to swing a marginal seat, so if you can capture these people, you can win the election.
But who are these people? If you ask Experian, the credit-checking company, they can profile them for you. People who live in small towns in Dorset, Hampshire and the west Midlands on fair incomes in their forties with a little debt; this is the information on us they sold to the main parties. If you fit into this bracket you're far more likely to have been visited by your candidate than anyone else. You're also more likely to have been selected for a focus group which the parties rely on to formulate their policies. This means that your concerns as a middle-aged middle Englander which will be resolutely focussed on short-term local issues, will count for a lot more than if you're in a different demographic.
This blinkered approach which focusses on politicians' ambitions to get into government rather than promoting policies which would be less easy to sell but potentially more beneficial discourages turn-out and leads to the feeling of resignation that people express where it doesn't matter who gets in, it'll all be the same; or, it doesn't matter who I vote for, the same party will win.
The fact that we have a right to vote is something that we should not take for granted but should continue to exercise that right. Similarly we should not blind ourselves to the fact that our vote is somewhat diminished in such a tarnished political structure.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Oedipus complex?

I thought I'd draw your attention, which may otherwise have slipped off elsewhere, to a new mummy that has been unearthed in Saqqara, where you'll find the earliest "step" pyramids in Egypt. Egyptologists are claiming that this is the most beautiful mummy ever unearthed:
recumbant mummy
detail of mummy's face
More information about the mummy and its unearthing can be found from Reuters.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Finally!

Having previously complained about my PDA it's taken me just over five months to find the device I'm really after. Unfortunately the T-mobile MDA iv doesn't look like it'll come out for another three months at least. But it has everything! Word, Excel, Wi-Fi browsing, quad-band phone, lots of way to enter text... it's even 3G! What a pity it's a Microsoft OS. But we all need to make compromises.

Friday, April 29, 2005

45 minutes to cyberterrorism

I visited InfoSec this week, a forum for information security in Europe. Not content with driving fear of weapons of mass destruction into the populace, Lord Toby Harris was there to open a new front telling us that we were all going to be attacked by cyberterrorists next.
This has been contradicted by most people in the know, including Bruce Schneier, who stated: "We should save 'terror' for the things that deserve it, not things that piss us off." Most eloquently put.
You can find out more about cyberterrorism here.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Mouse music

One of Æsop's fables (I seem to recall) tells of a mouse-about-town who pays a visit to his cousin, a mouse in the country. The latter's pastoral idyll does not suit our urban rodent, however, who finds the tempo of country dwelling too restrained. He in turn invites his host to experience the vivid vicissitudes of urban living, much to the bumpkin's joy. That is until the pair encounter a predatory pussy, which encourages the newcomer to return to his rural retreat.
Now the moral to this tale has taken on some postmodern hermeneutics, as urban and country have come to mean quite different things. Country is rednecks recounting tales of heartbreak, though I guess urban is still where all the cats are.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Sexual Discrimination

You can abuse people in English by referring to them as a sexual organ, though only in the vernacular: calling someone a vagina or a penis will have little impact. The choice between characterizing them as either male or female genetalia does carry significance, however.
Should you choose male abuse, this will reflect on the target's perceived lack of intelligence: a cock or a prick is a stupid person. When choosing a female equivalent, you confirm the target's calculated malevolence: a cunt.
Note that this figurative language seems to apply to these organs specifically. Being a dick is quite different to having balls, while other female organs do not have the same connotations: e.g. a tit (though this may because it is in the singular, as in a camel short of a caravan).
If you doubted that sexual politics and language were interrelated, the above should encourage you to reconsider, you twat.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Fw: everyone's gonna get stoned

A recent report has shown that information overload from emails affects the brain more than smoking pot. So are junk mailers just spreading the weed? Interestingly, people are foregoing meals to answer emails, rather than dashing off for munchies.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Daily Mail feature

Hate to sound like the Daily Mail but you know when the housing market's in trouble when the estate agent's being reposessed...

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Election fever!

The new election is well underway with all sides campaigning ahead of a final deciding conclave. There have been fears expressed in some quarters of voter apathy, given a stark choice between unelectable liberal candidates and conservatives who have been unable to shake off an image tarnished as uncaring and out of touch. The newly elected PM (pontifex maximus) will need to tackle 21st century issues, in particular the dilemma surrounding future participation in Europe.
Bookies suggest the eventual winner will retain conservative views masquerading as social conscience, though the secretive ballot process has itself been called into question with the extended use of postal voting.
The election result will be heralded in the traditional manner by changing a swingometer from undecided blue to red.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Confused? Why wait?

I realise that who we vote for will make very little difference unless you live in a marginal constituency, but as is the custom every General Election post Netscape, you can work out who you should vote for online.

What a beetle in the bush is worth

An entomologist at the Natural History Museum has named three new species of slime-mold beetle after Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld, as a special honour.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Maps R U.S.

Now here's something that I admire, being well into the multi-platform delivery thing; check out the calculators on a channel I developed, which you can subscribe to on AvantGo.
Google -- who else? -- has developed an easy to use map tool for those on the move in the U.S. and Canada: http://mobile.google.com/local. It's pretty well designed for the smaller interface in the bigger Apple, going to a really granular level and based on Google maps.

Lady Diana bench

By popular demand, obligatory Taj Mahal snap:
Taj Mahal

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Happy Easter Yoko

And so this is Easter and what have you done? The CEO's been sacked, a new one's just begun.
And so this is Easter and to add to the fun, the COO's changed roles, which is the most he has done.
And so this is Easter and in the long run, the sales director's still there though he's the crappiest one.

Management's over if you want it...

Monday, April 11, 2005

In-Delhi-ble inklings

The motorized rickshaws that scuttle about Delhi's arteries like yellow parasites reflect their host's most neophile aspirations. Since the turn of the millenium, all have been converted to run on compressed natural gas in a ressucitative attempt to relive the city's lungs of stifling pollution. And now that the number of mobile phones in Delhi's neural network is approaching its tuk-tuk tally, disenchanted passengers may SMS complaints direct to the city police. Just text a three-letter code relevant to the misdemeanour (say over-charging) followed by the rickshaw number and Delhi constabulatry will dispatch an Ambassador to apprehend the crime-wallah.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Indian mysticism

For all India's purported mystical and spiritual qualities, read ignorance and poverty and see how closely these are bound. In South African townships there's poverty too: people in tiny corrugated shacks in the middle of a dust bowl who walk shoeless miles to fetch food. Yet (I'm wary of rose-coloured spectacles) there is less intellectual poverty in these townships than in what I've seen of India. Education is compulsory in South Africa and even where children have to sustain themselves because of family disease or unemployment, all are acutely aware of forsaken schooling. Contrast this with India where education is optional, even state schools are fee-paying but remain incredibly under-equipped (no desks or chairs), children working in shops, factories, train stations and streets... or is this famous Indian entrepreneurship? Moreover, in South Afrrica the population is politically mature, while in the world's largest democracy, prejudice reigns.
I wonder if the hegemony of the caste system, the unthinking acquiescence to a feudal order that condemns so many to every form of poverty, is what apartheid would have become given another century or so to fester. A sense of community as we might understand it seems to have been blighted by three thousand years of knowing your place. Not even Mahatma Gandhi -- himself a catalyst for the anti-apartheid struggle -- could foster this social conscience. Vishnu, preserver of the Hindu world, ensures that barely half the population is literate; and that's by the Indian government's measure which judges literacy as being able to read and write your own name...
So for all the saddha bathing in mother Ganges, muezzin at dusk, Buddhist pilgrims and Jain monks, India convinces me that atheistic scepticism offers the straightest path to social conscience.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Agra-vation beggars belief

Here's a resolutely urban myth: if you give to one person begging, twenty others will congregate around you until they too are sated by pittance. If this doesn't happen in Agra where poverty runs through the gutters of the tourist trail, where does it happen? I spent the last fortnight giving, mostly soap, pencils and bananas to children and this mendiant manifestation is yet to materialize. If you flaunt your wealth in front of your peers, why not in front of the poor?

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Not just Howard's End

As we consider the Tories' policy to exempt certain people from certain parts of the human rights act as they see fit, let us look briefly at the Labour party's record on human rights. This includes:
* removal of trial by jury in certain cases;
* allowing the Home Secretary to decide who can be under indefinite arrest without charge;
* since that particular law didn't get through, they can only be held under house arrest, tagged and banned from using the telephone;
* imminent plans to ban protesting on Parliament Square without a permit;
* instigation of a politically elected supreme court;
* did I mention ignoring legal advice on sending thousands of troops into war?
These people have no shame: they want to disenfranchise us.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Ain't nobody here but us chickens

All right, so it's not going to make force feeding geese and ducks any easier (that still needs to be done by hand), but the Bright Coop E-Z Catch Harvester certainly appears to make chicken retrieval easier. Take a look at it in action.

Monday, March 07, 2005

I want one of these

This is über-geek kind of stuff: a wrist-watch PDA. All right, so it's not in colour and there's no wi-fi, but you can run all sorts of applications on its 8MB memory: an AvantGo web browser, Vindigo movie guides, possibly Documents to Go (for reading Excel, Word and PowerPoint) as well as the usual diary and address book and memo stuff. Plus games, and tube-maps and all the rest. Take a look.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Lost in translation

Luis Aragones, manager of the Spanish national football team, has been taken out of context and mistranslated. "I used the expression 'black shit' when I was talking to Reyes, as a way of saying you are better. It is like a form of motivation. [...] If it had been translated correctly it would have said that Henry was a phenomenon, but it wasn't," he added.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Generosity

This is the story of generosity for today. Beslan, whose school was besieged last year, has donated thousands of dollars to the relief effort for the south-east Asian tsunami. A widow's mite if ever there were.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

So 2004

Since everyone else seems to have had a retrospective moment, allow me to indulge. While 2004 was undoubtedly the year of Dubya and the chav -- could they by any chance be related? -- it was also the year of the blog; and not just this one. Thousands of blogs were created and consumed through RSS feeds and aggregators and other nonsense.
Since I am always at the forefront of fashion -- particularly technological -- this leaves me in something of a quandary. Blogging, with all its linking to singular sites, uninformed political comment and Phil Space anecdote is like so last year. What should 2005 hold for an erstwhile martial arts doppelganger?