One out, all out

Apparently I wasn't at work on Monday. The nation's press has confirmed that the entire population was attached to a pub television set through some kind of metaphorical viscous process that kept us away from our desks to send house prices tumbling and fuel prices rocketing; or possibly the other way around.
The England team will soon be rewarded for their contribution to national counterproductivity. In addition to knighthoods and canonization they will be numismaticised: commemorated in currency for their sterling efforts. Michael Vaughan will appear on £50 notes, Andrew Flintoff on £20, Kevin Pietersen on tenners and so forth. Unfortunately there are only ten levels of demonination but Ian Bell has been promised that he'll be selected once we have the Euro.