North & South

Today there will be an inevitable election crisis in the United States, as results are scrutinized, voting machines inspected, the electoral college questioned and various highly-paid lawyers attempt to disenfranchise the poor. Fear not my USanian chums! For a viable future, look to your past: reestablish a separate Union and Confederacy.
The Confederate states -- those from the South or those that start and end in a vowel -- will have Bush to lead them. They'll ban teaching of evolution from their schools and sustain their economic viability through protectionist trade policies and arms manufacture.
The Union under Kerry will legalise gay marriages and sign the Kyoto protocol, appointing liberal film stars to the Senate and Bruce Springsteen as secretary of state for political correctness.
And the rest of the World will no longer have to put up with thousands of soldiers on their soil, because the Union won't pander to the hawkish lobby while the Confederacy won't know where their countries are.