I'm Dennis, Fly Me

Yesterday I went to the opening match at Arsenal's new stadium; Dennis Bergkamp's testimonial. And very pleasant it was too, thank you very much. Saw a few great players (Van Basten still has the gift) and I was prety impressed by the stadium. It's not so much the curves that make it -- they look pretty enough on photos -- but there's a feeling of space, of easy access, of calm; not that the last one's so great for big match atmosphere. Anyway, I'm sure there'll be some memorable matches there. One thing I don't understand, however, is that the closest rail station, Drayton Park, is closed at weekends. The new sponsor, Emirates, must be pleased to have made the farewell presentation to the non-flying Dutchman.

Mass Debate About Zizou

This is very silly...

Buon Giorno

I don't know why he did it. To cut through the clichés, he is not the only one who knows: I'm sure Materazzi has an inside track. And now Zidane is "vicious", while Rooney remains Cristiano Ronaldo's victim.
And the Italians have won in defiance of all the problems they've had at home. It's a victory for team spirit during all the investigations where the national team is blameless. Or, more specifically, where only a few of the charges are being investigated. So Juventus and the others paid to have the right referees assigned to matches. But what about the allegations that clubs (most notably Roma) ran brothels? That Gianlucca Pessotto, the newly appointed Juve secretary, fell out of his office window and just escaped death. His wife claimed he would never attempt suicide (he had nothing to hide after all) but two days later attempted suicide is the official cause and no further investigation planned, despite Pessotto himself not having been interviewed.
Earlier, Buffon's flat had been searched for something completely different: evidence that he'd won hundreds of thousands of pounds betting illegally on Serie A matches. There wasn't enough evidence (apart from phone tap confessions) to try him before the World Cup.
Meanwhile the manager is under scrutiny, because his son's players' agency in which he has a stake appears to be executing some dodgy deals; not least that when players sign up with the son they're called up by the father to increase their value.
Anyway, these aren't what's being investigated. It's just a matter of clubs pushing to have certain referees. The Italians implicated in such corruption have heroically overcome adversity, while Zidane remains a disgrace for his premeditated actions. All in all, last night was a victory for football and morality.

Being a dad

I've recently (5 days ago) discovered the joys of fatherhood. I'm not (yet) going to post images, because I have a feeling they're slightly exploitative, so I've simply mailed them to everyone I know.
The benefits of having a son are immediate. You can fart in any room he's in and blame it on him. "Not another one, stinky, that was a loud one!" and letimotivs of that sort. Then you can claim you need to go and change him. Kudos for risking urine and faeces all over you, when really it just gets you out of having to watch Big Brother.

Sex

Woody Allen told us about the things we wanted to know but were afraid to ask, but there are many things we didn't know that we didn't think to ask about; a case of Rumsfeldian unknown unknowns.
Once you've had sex -- successfully in the procreative sense rather than in the Kinsey sense -- many people will tell you that nine months later you need to do it again, to see the result of what you put in come out again.
Why? Because your sperm (yes, I'm addressing an exclusively male audience in this post, except that women ought to recognise that we know now) contains prostaglandin , a hormone-like substance that is supposed to induce birth. So it makes sense for you to mount / be mounted by the bearer of your child (even with your cracked ribs) to end procrastination. However, the prostaglandin doesn't need to go in that way. The hormone simply needs to be added to the expectant mother's body, and she can quite easily ingest it without the need to come to blows, so to speak.

Irrepressable Nature

I've been reading an abridged version of Wu Cheng'en's Journey to the West recently, or Monkey as we know it. And it's excellent. It's on ITV4 twice a week (Thursdays and Fridays at 6pm) if you're in the UK. I also recommend the Monkey Heaven site for much simian paraphenalia.

cui bono

So, Labour's in disarray according to anyone with a page or time slot to fill; and yes, I recognize the irony of commenting on that myself. Some have more to say than others: about 1/3 of the Guardian's front page is pictures of briefcases... Nevertheless, while Clarke, Hewitt and Prescott do their utmost to embarass themselves, you have to ask who benefits from these shambles? Clearly there are local elections next week, so this would appear to be a great opportunity for Labour's rivals.
The Tories are on shaky ground trying to make political capital here: they can't play the Prescott sleaze card without calling a kettle black, no swing voters could seriously trust them to improve the NHS and their election strategy seems to consist of Dave Cameron standing on a Norwegian ice floe.
The Lib Dems meanwhile couldn't organize a leadership election among MPs let alone run an effective local election campaign nationally, so what hope does their dynamic "Mingis" have?
Of course, both parties (and others) will reap the votes of the disaffected and Labour will have a poor Thursday night and Friday morning next week. The worse they do, the more pressure on the New Labour leadership and TB. Silent Gordon is clearly hoping for more skeletons to emerge over the next few days.

Shift down

At the risk of being called a hypocrite, let me point you in the direction of National Downshifting Week. This -- albeit horribly designed -- web site has advice on how to lead a more relaxed lifestyle and save money to boot. It's not all completely thought through, but it is worth the read, particularly when it comes to initiatives relating to the company you work for.

Statistical anomaly

As I attend my Birth Basics classess with my wife, I have discovered a number of interesting facts on subjects as diverse as hormones and pain relief. But here's a striking one. Apparently 50% of all twins are now delivered by Caesarian section. Does that mean one each?

Google Gaydar

Not only has Google come to dominate web searching over the last few years, it can now find out people's sexuality. Just go there and search for "ashley cole". Scroll a little further beyond the top few sponsored links and you'll see Google suggesting results for "ashley cole" gay. Could Google's automated searching suggestions be libellous?