Robo-roach

Boffins in francophone Europe have developed a robot cockroach to rid households of such pests; is killing these bugs insecticide?

Timesheets Las Vegas

Bright-eyed client gonna set new goals to which you can aspire:
Got a hold lot of projects ready to run, so set your budget up higher.
There's a team of a thousand waiting out there
Squandering budget, devil-may-care
And I'm a project manager with time to spare so
Viva los timesheets!
Viva los timesheets!

How I wish that there were more than seven and a half hours in the day!
But even if there were forty more I'd manage your budget away.
There are Gantt charts and risk logs and spreadsheets too,
The critical path's been explained to you
All you needs in place to do it Prince2 so
Viva los timesheets!
Viva los timesheets!

Viva los timesheets and our invoicing system based on accrual
And all your budget down the drain
Viva los timesheets that turn uptime into downtime and downtime into uptime
But don't change your mind or we'll make you pay it all again!

Gonna keep the project running, gonna spend all your money and use up all your time
If you wind up broke well always remember to push back that deadline
I'm gonna give it everything you've got
So keep some contingency in your pot
For us to deliver on the dot

Viva los timesheets!
Viva los timesheets!

Politique démocratique et hypocrite

The French have a problem with politics; even the term politicien evokes the sordid and untrustworthy; better be un homme politique. Unable to come to terms with the fact that Bush has four more years of leading the planet into disarray, they forget that for their own presidential elections the voters narrowed the candidates down to a crook and a racist, fortunately opting for the former.
Now the debate has turned to the new European constitution where we see a fine example of French democracy at work, as each party splits itself down the middle over whether to be in favour or oppose it. And what are the benefits and disadvantages contained in the new Treaty of Rome? No one knows and no one understands, because as usual it's a battle of intellectual rather than practical debate. No one could legitimately acuse French politicians of being a camel short of a caravan, but aloof and unsympathetic to the everyday concerns of the population, certainly. So if you're looking for another nation where an uneducated bigot who brings economic and diplomatic downfall to his country gets elected on the basis that he has a common touch, look no further than France.

Remembrance

It's sadly selfish, but true, that the 11th November no longer signifies Armistice for me; two years ago to the day I had surgery to remove my cancer. The pain is hard to recall (my anaesthetic was pretty useless for about twelve hours after the operation) but I do hold vivid memories of having tubes pulled out of me and the general disfunction of my innards after they'd be cut apart and sewn back together again.
And emergent from all this is an underlying antipathy for smoking and all else carcegenic. So on this day I think of that pain and that of the people around me and treat every breath each smoker inhales as a slap in my face and theirs.

Fat of the land

Having just returned from the south of France, it's striking how few people there are overweight, particularly in comparison with where I live in London where probably two-thirds of the population is obese (and the other third emaciated). This French sveltitude is even more striking when you consider the local diet: lots of courses of meat, cheese, desserts; and lest you Atkinsites say otherwise, loads of carbs: breads, patisseries, rice, pasta and all sorts of potato-based dishes. So where are the fat people?
Most authorities recognise obesity as a symptom of poverty; it's pretty obvious when you see how people live that a French peasant is better off than your typical chav. But does the way people eat affect how much they consume? An all-you-can eat restaurant is as inconceivable to your average rural Frenchman as eating an unbattered chicken thigh not served from a bucket would be to most people where I live.
Though it is certainly on the rise, the fast food culture of huge portions in one rapid course remains the exception in France where people take two hours for lunch that will have a minimum of four courses: starter, meat, vegetables (typically served separately), probably cheese and then fruit or some other dessert. While many may mock the vast plates and apparently tiny portions of nouvelle cuisine, few leave a French dining table feeling unsated. Bigger simply isn't best; it's just bigger.

Spun out

Microsoft has won a contract to provide software for 900,000 NHS computers. Apparently this is a money-saving deal as an open source solution couldn't possibly be cheaper than paying Microsoft licenses. But my issue with this contract (which the Beeb doesn't report) is that it's for nine years. So the government is committing our health service to using technology that it cannot possibly predict the worth of. To give you some examples: nine years ago Internet Explorer barely had a ten per cent share of the internet browser market, Netscape was by far the biggest thing; a new version of Windows was about to be released that would allow applications to truly run simultaneously (this had previously existed only on Macs); the .mp3 file format was not yet distributed; and no one had heard of Flash memory, central to the ubiquitous digital camera and mobile phones.
How can a contract that commits to such ridiculous unknowns possibly be momney-saving?

Dynastic democracies

It has been pointed out before -- but I'm going to do it again anyway -- that the U.S. will potentially have close to 40 years of just two families running the White House:
1988 - 1992 George Bush Snr
1992 - 2000 Bill Clinton
2000 - 2008 George W. Bush
2008 - 2016 Hilary Clinton
2016 - 2024 Jeb Bush
This doesn't even show the impact of the Kennedys on the scene.
But the U.S. is far from the only democracy to elect such dynasties. After close to fifty years of independence inspired by Mahatma Gandhi, India this year elected his granddaughter by marriage, Sonia, having previously voted in her husband and her mother-in-law. Yuri Andropov ran the Soviet Union in the 1980s thanks to his KGB connections but the Russians have just given another former KGB man, Putin, a mandate for four more years.
In case you thought it was the vast scale of these democracies that made it so difficult to break this dominant order down, take a look at the U.K. where from 1979 to 2010 we'll have had three Prime Ministers, two of whom (Thatcher and Blair) will have been in power for almost thirteen years each: that's more than three U.S. presidential terms.
I doubt that this is due to a populace who believe that it's better the devil you know. The establishment selects and promotes candidates in each of these countries. Without the support of the establishment, the candidates are barely seen in the national media, get no airtime and their views aren't covered. And woe betide them if they cross the establishment that put them there. Bush must pursue Zionist hawkish policies, Blair must appease the CBI, Putin must crush the Chechnyans. The establishment can put you up there and bring you back down again as it did to Thatcher, or use you and spit you out again as Sonia Gandhi has found.

You should be thinking about this.

Now, more than ever, is the time to make a will. Not just because it's one of those things you should have done ages ago, or perhaps you did ages ago but really need to update. But because through November thousands of solicitors are taking part in Will Aid, where you make a typical contribution of £65 to charity and get a proper will drawn up. You should do this now.

North & South

Today there will be an inevitable election crisis in the United States, as results are scrutinized, voting machines inspected, the electoral college questioned and various highly-paid lawyers attempt to disenfranchise the poor. Fear not my USanian chums! For a viable future, look to your past: reestablish a separate Union and Confederacy.
The Confederate states -- those from the South or those that start and end in a vowel -- will have Bush to lead them. They'll ban teaching of evolution from their schools and sustain their economic viability through protectionist trade policies and arms manufacture.
The Union under Kerry will legalise gay marriages and sign the Kyoto protocol, appointing liberal film stars to the Senate and Bruce Springsteen as secretary of state for political correctness.
And the rest of the World will no longer have to put up with thousands of soldiers on their soil, because the Union won't pander to the hawkish lobby while the Confederacy won't know where their countries are.

Trial by Fergie

Manchester United are submitting a dossier to the Football Association demonstrating that Arsène Wenger had stockpiles of pea soup ready to be deployed as ballistic missiles, despite inspections of the Old Trafford dressing rooms by independent monitors. Even more damaging, Thierry Henry was only 45 minutes away from being sent off after repeatedly falling over Gabriel Heinze. While Alex Ferguson has claimed that last weekend's events link Arsenal unequivocally to the destruction of Wembley's twin towers, his critics maintain that Ferguson is deliberately isolationist, creating a climate of paranoia to further his power base amid economic difficulties at home.